Dear MX24,
I am confused, hurt, and unsure whether I am overreacting or simply facing the consequences of my own decisions.
Before I got married, my mother lived with me. I have always been her primary caregiver, and taking care of her has never felt like a burden because it’s my responsibility and my pride.
After getting married, we shared the responsibility of caring for my mother. The two of them grew so close that you would think my wife was my mother’s actual daughter. In search of greener pastures, we both decided to apply for visas to travel abroad in search of better opportunities, things were just becoming harder in Ghana and we could see our future outside the country. We agreed that whoever secured their visa first would go ahead and prepare the way for the other.
However, I later suggested that my wife withdraw her application so I could travel first. My reasoning was simple: she had never worked a day in her life since her NSS. I took her of her every need and still remain the breadwinner after marriage. I wasn’t sure how she would be motivated to find work. On top of that, if we both left the country, there would be no one to take care of my aging mother. I promised to visit often, send money and make arrangements for my wife and possibly my mother to join me later.
But this woman I call my wife dismissed the idea immediately. We argued briefly about it but eventually dropped the conversation and moved on. I really couldn’t see what the issue was but I let it go just so there could be peace between us. We returned to our normal routines and she was happy.
Or so I thought.
A few days ago, my wife shocked me with unexpected news: she had secured her visa. All this time, she had been working behind the scenes to keep her application going and got her approval. She told me not to worry and insisted that I stay behind to care for my mother since I was her only child and had been doing it longer than her anyway.
According to her, I knew how to take care of her better and would be the best person for the job. She would then go first, work to support us and once she settles, she will file for me and possibly my mother to join her.
People, I feel betrayed.
I can’t help but feel she deliberately went against my wishes. I am the man of the house and as her husband, I expected her to respect my decisions. Now I am torn between supporting her ambition or asking her to cancel her plans because I can’t live with this feeling of being undermined in my own home.
If I allow her to take this decision, will she ever respect me or listen to anything I have to say? How can I effectively lead my family if my wife won’t submit to me? At the same time, I am aware of what this opportunity means for our future. It will take us out of this country and open the door for greater opportunities for both of us, even for my mother’s health and for other family members.
My family says she has disrespected me and that I need to take control of the situation before it gets out of hand, while her family says she has only done what is necessary for our future. No doubt I love my wife, it’s not even about who takes care of my mother now, but do I choose putting my feet down as the head of the family or swallow my pride and let her lead for now? I never imagined I would have to choose between them.
Dear readers, am I wrong to feel disobeyed and hurt?
Or should I support my wife and trust her plan for our future?
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