My name is Selina. I’m only 28 years old, and I’m mentally worn out at this point.
I’ve been with Daniel, who is 32, for almost four years now. We’ve been serious from the start, and we’ve talked many times about getting married and building a future together. As a young Ghanaian woman, that means a lot to me. I’ve invested time, energy, and love into this relationship, and I really believed he was the one. Marriage isn’t a topic that you play with so it made me see our relationship as very serious.
But recently, things have started to feel off. I’ve noticed changes in how Daniel behaves, especially when it comes to his best friend, Sandra.
They’ve been close since university. I’ve never tried to come between them, and I’ve even met her a few times. She’s always been polite, but I wouldn’t say we’re close because I never thought we needed a third wheel in our relationship. Lately, though, I’ve seen some red flags. Daniel always answers her calls quickly and whenever she texts him, he lights up, but if I ask about her, he brushes it off or changes the subject.
A few weeks ago, I did something I’m not proud of. I went through their messages and what I saw left me feeling confused and really hurt. There were late-night texts from her saying things like, “I miss our talks like before” or “You will always know how to make me smile.” He’d reply with things like, “Don’t get me in trouble with madam” or “Selina will get you”.
In one message, she sent him a selfie and wrote, “Guess where I am 🌚?” He replied with a winking emoji and said, “Somewhere I’m not, which means you’re going to be lonely 😉.”
There’s nothing in the chats that outright proves something is going on, but the tone felt off. Too playful. Too familiar. Like they were hiding behind jokes and old memories to say things they couldn’t say directly. And what bothered me most was how careful he seemed, as if he didn’t want me to see how much they talk.
When I confronted him, he didn’t even try to explain properly. He got defensive and angry, saying I had no right to check his phone and that I was being paranoid. He brushed everything off as harmless chitchat and told me I was overreacting. Since then, he’s been acting cold and distant, and I don’t know where we stand anymore.
I’ve been asking myself if I’m just being insecure, or if I’m trying too hard to ignore something that’s clearly there. Part of me wants to reach out to Sandra directly, but I’m afraid it will make things worse or turn messy. And if I bring it up with Daniel again, I know he’ll just say I’m imagining things.
I’m really struggling because four years is not a small thing. I’ve stayed because I love him, because of everything we’ve shared, and because I believed in the future we planned. Marriage was always part of the picture, and in our society, people expect women to be patient and loyal, even when things get uncomfortable.
But right now, I don’t feel secure in my own relationship. I love him, but I feel like I’m slowly being pushed out. I don’t know if I should stay and fight for us, or finally admit that something isn’t right. Please help me fix my broken pen.
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