I am 35 years old. I’ve been married for eight years, and we have three children aged 7, 5, and 2.
For the past six months, my mother-in-law has been seriously ill. What started as mild weakness has now turned into something that requires constant care. She needs help bathing, eating, using the washroom, taking medication; in fact, almost everything.
But here’s my dilemma, my mother-in-law has three daughters. All grown. All capable. All married and living comfortably. My husband is the only son, the firstborn.
Two months ago, there was a family meeting. I wasn’t invited so they made a decision and I was informed afterward. The decision? Their mother would move into our house permanently, and I would be the one to take care of her.
Not “we.”
Me.
The reason? I am the wife of the eldest and only son. Tradition says it is my duty as his wife.
Meanwhile, I already wake up at 4:30am every day. I prepare two children for school, take care of my toddler, cook, clean, and manage my business from home. My life is already full.
When I asked why one of the daughters couldn’t take her, they said, “It’s not the same. A married daughter belongs to her husband’s house.” When I suggested we all contribute money and hire a professional nurse, they said bringing an outsider to bathe their mother is disrespectful. But somehow, it’s not disrespectful to pile everything on me. I didn’t want to sound ungrateful so I allowed it but since she moved in, my life has completely changed.
I barely sleep. My toddler cries when I’m attending to my mother-in-law. My older children are starting to complain that I’m always tired and shouting. My husband? He goes to work and comes home to eat and sleep. When I try to complain that I’m overwhelmed, he says I’m being dramatic. He reminds me that his mother gave birth to him and sacrificed for him and us so this is the least I can do.
But I didn’t marry his mother.
I married him.
Now his sisters call me daily to ask if their mother has eaten, taken her medication, or gone to the hospital yet none of them have offered to take her even for one week.
I am exhausted. I am losing my sanity. I’m starting to break down and on the verge of leaving this marriage. I am not a caretaker for old people and surely it shouldn’t be my responsibility to solely take care of the old woman. Would they be happy to take care of my mother if she were unwell?
If I speak up, I’m disrespectful.
And as I endure it silently, I’m losing my mind.
Dear readers, is this truly my role as the wife of the eldest son? Should I keep quiet and bear this burden for the sake of tradition or I being unfair with considering the load I am already carrying?
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