Dear MX24,
I find myself in a very dark place and would greatly appreciate some outside perspective to fix the broken pen. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 4 years now and I’m beginning to question whether we’re actually in love.
Recently, I borrowed a small amount of money from her to pay off another debt I owed. To be frank, I’ve been betting a lot and not been winning as much as I used to. With how money is hard to come by lately, that’s been the only way I’ve been surviving since I lost my job but that’s a story for another day.
Anyway, back to my girlfriend, she has been making a huge deal out of it, constantly reminding me to pay her back. This wouldn’t bother me as much if it weren’t for the fact that I have lent her money multiple times without ever asking for it back. Not to mention the countless gifts and surprises I have showered her with. It feels extremely one-sided now. And it’s eating away at me. I feel ashamed as a man who owes his girlfriend money. I never even thought you can owe someone you love. I never perceived love as being transactional. I feel it’s not even about the amount but the principle. How can someone you love and trust be so insistent over such a small debt when they’ve benefited from your generosity more times than one? Her constant nagging over this has made me sincerely doubt the nature of our relationship.
To make things worse, a plot twist emerged that has left me miserable. Just last week, I found out from a mutual friend that my girlfriend has been secretly saving up all her money to seek greener pastures as a nurse in the UK, her attempt to start a life on her own-without me. She’s been using my gifts and generosity to build future for herself, all the while pretending to be in a loving relationship.
I am heartbroken and feel utterly betrayed. How could someone I loved and trusted be so calculating? Now, I am stuck wondering if any of it was real, or if I was just a means to an end for her. I feel empty and find it hard to smile when she’s around. Dark thoughts are entering my head and beginning to cloud my outlook on life.
She means a lot to me and if she’s not in my life, I have no other pillar of support. How do I confront her about this, and where do I go from here?
This is my broken pen.
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