My name is Kelvin, I’m 30 years old, and I never thought I’d reach a point in my relationship where love would feel this confusing.
I’ve been with Nadia, 27, for almost two years. From the beginning, everything felt right. She was fun, affectionate, and I honestly believed we could build something real. We talked about everything. I was ready to do life with her.
But lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m competing with something I can’t even see.
It started small. Random late nights where she’d turn her back to me, plug in her earphones, and tell me she was watching “a movie.” But one night, I woke up and realized it wasn’t a movie.
The room was quiet except for the faint sound of breathing. It wasn’t mine, and it wasn’t hers, it was from her phone. I turned slightly and froze. She was watching porn, one hand gripping the sheets, the other under the covers. I didn’t even know how to react. I just lay there in shock, pretending to sleep while my heart pounded so hard I thought she’d hear it.
The next morning, I asked her about it calmly. She laughed it off and said I was imagining things. She even got upset that I was “spying” on her. But since that night, things have never been the same.
It kept happening. Every few nights, I’d get a notification from our shared device connection, “Private browsing active.” Each time, I’d look at the clock, 1:14 a.m., 2:03 a.m., 3:27 a.m. She thought she was being smart, deleting her history and clearing tabs, but I already knew.
I’ve tried talking to her about it, and every time, she promises to stop or says it’s “just stress.” But then I’ll catch her again, phone under the pillow, screen dimmed, pretending to scroll social media.
It’s not even the act itself that hurts me most. It’s the lies. The pretending. The way she looks me in the eye and swears she’s doing nothing wrong, when I’ve literally seen it with my own eyes. It’s making me question myself in ways I don’t like.
I’ve started wondering, am I not enough? Am I boring? Am I missing something she needs? Because if the person you love can’t even be honest about what they want, how do you fix that? And it’s not like I’m not a bedroom bully too. I never lose a match whether home or away. At least that’s what I thought.
A part of me wants to confront her again, maybe even walk away. But then I remember all the good moments, the plans, the laughter, the love, and I hesitate. I keep telling myself she’ll change, that maybe it’s just a phase.
But deep down, I’m scared this is who she’s always been, and I’m the only one pretending not to see it.
So please, tell me… should I stay and keep trying to understand her, or accept that maybe this version of love isn’t meant for me?
Help me fix my broken pen.
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