Dear MX24,
I’m in a situation I never imagined I would face, and I don’t know if I’m being heartless or simply honest with myself. I’m 30 and have been with my boyfriend for four years.
From the beginning, he made one thing very clear: infertility was a deal breaker for him. He said he wanted to be sure his future wife could have children, so he preferred that we try to get pregnant before marriage.
As strange as it sounded, I understood him and I wanted to have kids too so I felt his mind was in the right place. Even if my parents got angry at first, I was sure eventually they would warm up to having a grandchild.
Look, I loved him and understood how important family was to him and that’s why I gave in.
For almost two years, we tried to have a baby. Going from contraceptives to nothing at all felt risky (but nice) and yet I wasn’t looking back. Every month came with hope… and then disappointment. No missed periods, no nausea, nothing. The sex became like a daily ritual – it wasn’t fun or intimate anymore, it just felt like it was only because of trying to get pregnant and nothing else.
Slowly, the pressure started building. He began suggesting that maybe something was wrong with me. So, I decided to go for medical checks.
I did several tests from scans and blood work to consultations and the doctors confirmed that medically, everything was fine with me. They suggested my partner should also run some tests and when I told him, he resisted. He kept insisting the problem couldn’t be from his side. But after months of trying without success, he finally agreed.
Thank God for medical checks!
The doctors confirmed that all this time had a problem with his sperms that led to low-to-impossible chances of conceiving naturally. I didn’t know how to process the information but it felt like a great weight had been lifted off my chest. It had gotten almost impossible to have a conversation with him without feeling like I was at fault for something. I was walking on eggshells around him most of the time.
And guess what? The same man who once told me infertility was a deal breaker was now asking for patience and understanding. That we should talk about and find a solution because he knew I was the only one for him. Suddenly, the situation was different.
Now I’m the one facing the reality he once warned me about.
He’s been looking at alternative methods, buying me flowers and promising me the world. To be honest, I’ve spent four years of my life in this relationship, and I truly care about him. But now I also know I want children – now more than ever – and I’m afraid of sacrificing something that important to me.
I told him recently that I needed time to think, he begged me not to leave. He says love should matter more than biology and that four years together should count for something. But I can’t ignore the fact that if the situation had been the other way around, he made it clear he would have walked away.
Now I’m confused.
Should I look at “love” and stay to fight for a future that may never give me the family I want, having spent four years of my life with him? What if I can’t give him something he wants in the future?
Or should I leave and pursue the life he once said I might deny him? If he wasn’t going to carry my burden, why should I carry his?
Dear broken pen readers, what would you do if you were in my shoes?
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