Hello MX24,
I’ve been thinking a lot these days. As a woman, I feel it’s great that I see other women doing well ahead in life. But from where I stand, I know that it’s not that easy. I just wish I knew earlier.
I started working when I was quite young. My first job was as a receptionist in a hotel. Many guests would come and go leaving us tips. I used to save them and buy my own clothes and many of my female friends were quite envious. But it wasn’t too long before the tables turned.
From my first year in university to the final one, my friends had surpassed me in terms of looks, possessions and life experience. Coded travel destinations on weekends and gifts from people’s fathers including cars were normal to them. I decided that I wouldn’t resort to these levels because as a woman you have to keep your dignity and believe that your brains would count for something one day.
I was such a fool! Immediately after university, nothing came in terms of jobs. Everywhere I went to interviews, it’s either the manager was looking under my skirt or at my breasts. I felt so disgusted but my eyes fully opened when one lady HR said I could only use my body to make it to the top. I felt ashamed but shame and guilt weren’t going to feed me so I gave in.
Ever since, I’ve never kept my legs together. I have exchanged short pleasures for climbing up the ladder at work and I have slept with almost every senior male figure there. I’ve slept with husbands, fathers and even sick people just to push my way to the top. I’ve smiled while dying inside, pretending nothing was happening when I sit with my colleagues at meetings.
Forget the pen, I am the one who is broken. I can’t sleep without imagining a man on top of me and for someone who wants to have children, I don’t think I can trust any man or open up to him sexually ever. I need help to overcome this. What should I do? Help me fix my broken body.
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