Dear MX24,
My name is Annabel, I’m 31 years old, married for five years, and I think I’ve become a stranger in my own marriage.
Before kids, I used to be full of life. I was playful, spontaneous, affectionate. Kelvin and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We were that annoying couple everyone teased for being “too in love.”
Then I got pregnant with our first child, and things started to change. My body changed, my energy dropped, and my interest in intimacy slowly disappeared. Everyone said it was normal, that it happens and that it would come back.
But it never did.
Two years later, we had our second baby, and I told myself maybe this time would be different. But it’s like my body just… shut down. I don’t crave intimacy anymore. I don’t even think about it. And when Kelvin tries to initiate anything, I either make excuses or pretend to be asleep.
He says I’ve changed. He’s right I have. But not because I want to. It’s like motherhood rewired my brain. Now, every time he touches me, I don’t feel warmth I feel pressure. Guilt. Confusion.
Last week, he tried to plan a surprise date night; candles, music, wine, everything. But when he leaned in to kiss me, I froze. I couldn’t fake it anymore, so I just broke down and cried.
He sat there quietly for a while, then said, “Annabel, I love you, but I’m starting to feel like I’m married to a roommate.”
That line hasn’t left my head since.
I’ve tried everything: prayer, self-help articles, even talking to a nurse at the clinic. They all say it’s normal, that it’s hormonal, that I just need to relax. But how do you relax when the man you love is beginning to feel unloved?
Now, Kelvin barely tries anymore. He comes home, eats, plays with the kids, and sleeps. No argument, no affection just silence. And I can feel us slipping away.
Sometimes I lie awake and wonder if I’m broken beyond repair. If this is the price of motherhood no one talks about.
Because deep down, I still want my marriage. I still love my husband. I just don’t know how to want him again.
MX24, please tell me should I force myself to do things I don’t feel ready for, just to keep my husband close? Should I tell him to be patient, even though I don’t know when this phase will end? Or is love without desire still enough to keep a marriage alive?
Please… help me fix my broken pen.
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